Juggling

I am going back down South soon to visit two dear friends from college who just had their first baby. This is the first baby had by my college friends, and even if this couple is a few (not enough) years older than me and live in the South where you're a freak if you haven't had kids by 28, this is skewing my world view. NOT because I think I need to be having babies post haste, as one would assume, but because I can't imagine having the brain and hands and life I have now with a baby in it. And it's not just a matter of "oh, if I just stopped drinking and got serious" kind of thing. It's "oh, I guess I should look both ways before I cross the street." The funny thing is--I was the omggottogetmarriedandhavebabiesbeforeit'stoolate! girl in college. I had it all wrapped up. And then it unraveled and I survived and I went to Grad school and moved to New York and never looked back. I can't believe I actually don't *want* to get married anytime soon now. It's like switching religions.

Sometimes I worry that I'm on the wrong track with this thinking--that I was attentive to it when I shouldn't have been and now that I've stopped caring (no, really, I have), it's going to pass me by. Then I think that the less I think about it, the more likely it's going to sneak up and surprise me. Which would be awesome because then I wouldn't spend weeks/months/years worrying about it. Of course, I'm worrying about not worrying about it, so there you go.

So what's a girl to do? Play football. Have as many jobs as my brain will hold. Start blogs. And novels. See where they all land. If I drop one, at least it's not a baby.

Re: the photo. Graffiti in Dumbo, Brooklyn. June, 2007